Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
