I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
