Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
