So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Edward fifth and chaser hands
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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