honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
