We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
