I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
