why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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