Swine flu. Run for my life!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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