I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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