I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
