I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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