how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
