Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
