K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
