Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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