Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
