my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
