yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
