would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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