Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
