all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
