Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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