so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
