Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
