Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The ass gains better be worth it
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