How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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