My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
