As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
