Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
