Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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