Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
