And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
