Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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