the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
