How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
