in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
