im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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