i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
