Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
