No stitches, just platelets and will power
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I touched a dick in church today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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