i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
