the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
