Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
