I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
