Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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