hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
