Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
