You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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