Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
