i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
