do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
