I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
