I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
